The Life & Times Of A Bartender Part 4

Let me tell you about a few of my special customers, friends, and coworkers.  I don’t really want to mention names so if one or two slips out it wasn’t done on purpose.

While bartending I have come across a lot of different people. Most were very wonderful people but there were a few undesirables that I would like to forget.

pregnantyogaI have one girl that is so afraid that I am going to write something about her that she is on her best behavior when I am around. She hardly ever does anything wrong but one day I will catch her and believe me her name will appear in these little short stories. I might mention that she is pregnant and due around my birthday, so maybe we will tape her having the baby and put that on my web page, just a little humor PJ.

My favorite line when somebody orders a beer, is “do you want a dirty glass” 99% of the customers will say no and that really saves on the glass washing. That way you can spend more time with your customers instead of washing glasses.  If that one person says yes ask him if he wants it frosted. If he says yes just frost the glass with your breath and believe me they wont want another glass!

I have the regular “JOE” that no matter what he does or says he replies with” what did I do” I didn’t do nothing. He aggravates the hell out of me, but I guess that’s what makes my job so exciting.

ccar1_aOne couple that I have been waiting on for years, and who I think are the nicest people you will ever meet comes to me. The husband informs me that he is the only friend I have and then of course we torture his wife by picking on her. She does some really crazy things too, like calling 911 to see if it works in her area, or getting upset that she cant unlock her car door only to find out she is trying to get in the wrong car, not once but twice. Thank God for our sense of humor!

rodneyI have one couple that has followed me everywhere I have worked, you know the stalker type person. They come in the bar and he tells me,” I want a napkin, I want a Beer, I want a glass, I want a napkin, I want a clean ash tray, I want a drink for my queen and I want it now. He is the customer that comes up with stuff you never heard of. Like one place I worked at I had to wear this tuxedo. In front of the whole bar he told me, “I love your hair, but how did you get that brown so close to your roots!” Not a nice thing to say to a bottle blonde.  Or he starts in with the Rodney Dangerfield line of how he doesn’t get any respect. His wife just sits back and shakes her head at both of us.

evel_knievelI have one young customer that I “thought” was the sweetest kid on earth till you got to know him. He would fill my coolers take my garbage out and be the sweetest thing on earth, and then the evil kneivel comes out. He makes faces behind customers backs while I am waiting on them just so I can laugh and make the customer wonder if I am laughing at them. He brings out the flaws in customers and then when I wait on them I remember what he says and of course that makes it hard to wait on them. I have a bad habit of laughing at stupid things anyhow so of course my little Evil doesn’t help.

I must scare some of my customers cuz one of my Thursday night kids spilled his drink and tried to push it down the bar after it was spilled so I wouldn’t know it was him.

spilled_drinkTwo of my favorite customers are really special to me. I call her the “quiet bitch” cause she is such a sweetie until she thinks somebody is picking on me and then look out cuz she is ready for the kill!! haha

Ok I am not done but we will end this chapter for now, but I will continue with my customers in my next chapter. stay tuned……You might be in the next one…